Big Girls Do Cry: Why Being Plus-Sized and Positive Isn’t Easy Math

If you’ve been reading my blog for the last year (mi love you), you would know that this self-love journey has been uphill for me. A sticking point for me is my weight. I won’t bore you with pounds and dress sizes but I can honestly say that my current size is not my healthiest, and I’m working on it.
Working on it is however, harder especially for being a Caribbean girl. I come from a family where everyone else is pretty much petite, well on my mother’s side, which is all I knew. So being taller, with more athletic proportions like my long torso and short legs, I carry weight differently. I looked different, and when it came to my appearance, let’s just say I was made to feel different. From nicknames like Miss Piggy to threats to padlock the fridge, growing up chubby was hard, and that was at home. School was worse because I would get accosted by people who I hadn’t spoken to before for being…there.
I’ve lost weight in heaps before by taking an already unhealthy relationship with food and just turning it on its head. Still then, I was told I was beautiful way more than I had ever heard. Wow, was being bigger what was holding me back all this time? Here is the gag – confidence isn’t an accessory to be worn, it’s a lifestyle to be lived. At my slimmest, I still felt ugly and empty. Your body is only as good as the soul it houses.
Now that I am finding that my favorite jeans don’t fit the way they once did, it is taking some humility to say that I didn’t maintain what was once my dream body and some self-awareness to know that the next time I achieve it, it will house a better soul. A scale couldn’t ever measure what makes me who I am, and my weight loss journey is dictated by the desire to live a healthier life in all areas.
IF you don’t love what you see in the mirror, you can change yourself, change the mirror or change your perspective. I will see a beautiful woman no matter what, and adapt my habits to reflect a healthy woman. That may NEVER result in me wearing a size 4. It will result in me being content and happy in all aspects of my being.
That said – I promise that I have cried my final big-girl tear and I can’t wait to feel big girl joy.

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